Just a BackHome Folks
by tohonomike
Summary: Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, so Xander finds out his mom's family listens to the 'music of pain.'
1. Chapter 1

_Just a Back-Home Folk_ _Author: Tohonomike __Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners...it will start off with the Joss/ME characters, and any other characters or real-life folks are clearly not mine. NO money is involved. _

_**Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, I wanted to write but nothing was coming to me on the other stories…so you're the victims of choice.**_

It had been two weeks since the Spring Fling '97 and the end of the Master, school let out just today for the long summer. 'Buffy's heading off to see her dad in a couple of days,' Xander thought to himself, 'I wonder if I could get a summer job.'

In other worlds Xander Harris kept going up the stairs and avoided his drunker than usual father, but he paused just long enough to trip on a carpet nail and cause a disturbance loud enough to be noticed.

"Damn it boy! What the Hell is wrong with you!" Tony Harris went off as he got up from guzzling whiskey in front of the television, "I've had enough of you! Get out!"

Xander froze for a moment, long enough for tony to work himself up further, throwing a glass and narrowly missing the boy, who headed for the door and ran out, not sure what was really going to happen.

A car had slowly made its way down the residential street, a young girl of about seventeen or eighteen and her male cousins in their mid-twenties fighting over directions and a map.

They looked up as they heard shouting and yelling coming out of a house, a young man around the girl's age running out in confusion, a man in a stained wife-beater throwing a liquor bottle at the boy and glancing him in the head as he escapes.

"You're no son of mine, never come back or I'll kill you, you piece of—" the man shouted, the last of it blissfully muffled as the door slammed. They got out of the car as the boy staggered and propped himself against a tree.

"You okay?" the girl asked the boy about his wound, "What was that all about?"

"Old Tony finally threw me out for good, I guess," Xander replied as he swayed, the men catching him as they carried him to the car, sliding him into the front seat.

"Hey, cuz, we passed the hospital back a ways, let's get 'im there," the girl told the dark-haired driver, "He might have a concussion."

They got down the street when Xander regained consciousness they'd not been aware he'd lost, "Ahh, that hurt, uhm, where am I?" he asked as they were passing the Bronze, "Stop here please."

"We should get you to a hospital," the light-haired fellow suggested strongly, 'A head wound is nothing to let go."

"I've had a bunch before, thanks, this one's nothing," Xander replied, "I just need to call some friends and see if I can stay with them until I figure something out."

"So you're on your own now?" the girl asked, as they pulled up near the Bronze so he could use a pay phone, "That sucks."

"Yeah, but if I can find a place to crash," he said as they pulled up, "It'll be better than it's been for years and years." He tried the door, but it was stuck.

"You have to go out the window I'm afraid, the boys race in this one sometimes," the girl smirked, "And we'll wait here and give you a ride to your friends house."

Xander went in and tried both houses, but no one answered at either one, and after going to the bathroom really fast, Xander saw a man following the girl out who'd helped him. Xander raced through the crowd after them, bursting through the door to see the screaming girl being manhandled by the large vampire, the two guys just starting to get out of the car. Xander reached into his jacket and charged forward, shouting at the last minute, surprising the bloodsucker, in full game face, causing it to turn. Xander without any care in the world just tackled him hard, stabbing with the stake twice before hitting the heart and dusting the football player turned vampire. Four sets of eyes regarded him with fascination as he helped the girl up. Cordelia walked over to him, gaping.

"What do you think you're doing attacking a vampire that size? You should be at home."

"Saving someone's life Cordelia, and Old Tony decided I don't have a home any more and took a bottle to my head," Xander responded in a dead voice, turning to the trio, "Where you heading?"

"LA, need a ride?" the dark-haired man asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Xander replied, turning back to Cordelia, "If you see the gang, Cordelia, tell them good bye for me, they weren't home when they called."

Leaving the shocked girl standing on the sidewalk, Xander and the others climbed into the orange car with the confederate flag on top.

"So was that really a vampire?" the girl sitting next to Xander in the back seat asked, "That guy with the weird face?"

"Yep, vampires exist, they're not sexy movie guys, they're demons in a corpse," he replied, then offered her his hand to shake, "I'm Xander by the way."

"I'm Daisy, and the driver's my cousin Bo, and Luke's my other cousin," she said as handshakes were exchanged in a moving vehicle, which headed up the highway ramp. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "That's for saving me, Xander." He blushed and mumbled something to himself.

"What was that?" she asked, Bo speaking up.

"I think he said he hopes he can save you all the time," Bo said, causing Xander to blush deeper.

On the way to Los Angeles, Xander explained about vampires and some about what happened on the Hell Mouth, and at one point he finally fell asleep as they entered LA proper..

Xander woke as they pull up to a large house, not noticing it was more of a mansion like that of the Chases in Sunnydale.

"Hey guys," he yawns, "Sorry about falling asleep on you, think I can borrow your couch, I'll be outta your hair tomorrow, need to find work and a place to crash."

"After what ya did for Daisy, Xander," Bo smiled, "I think we can put you up for a coupla days until you get on yer feet."

"Um, thanks, I appreciate it…"

'Think nuthin' on it, here, come with me upstairs and we'll find you some clothes to change into after a shower, you'll feel better," Bo said, and in the course of things explained where the kitchen was if he was hungry afterward. He was coming down the stairs, in loose jeans and a plaid shirt when here's his new acquaintances talking to their elders about what had happened that night as he came around the corner.

An attractive blonde woman in her late fifties came forward and shook his hand, in a once-strong Tennessee accent thanking him for saving Daisy, who blushed at the good feeling in the room.

"Well, I know Bo, Luke and Daisy, and you seem to know who I am…" Xander hinted, causing the woman to blush and make with the introductions.

"Oh, this is my father, Jed Clampett, this is Jesse Duke uncle of the kids, here, and Ellie Mae Lavelle..."

"Lavelle? That was my mother's maiden name before she met…my father."

"Oh, what's your full name Xander?"

"Harris, Alexander Lavelle Harris," he grimaced, then noticed the shocked looks on their faces, "Um, is something wrong?"

"We've been looking for your folks for years," the eighty-something Jed Clampett said, regaining composure.

"Listen, I don't know how much they owe you, and I'm sorry for whatever they did, I'll, uh, thanks for the ride and the clothes, I'll return them when I get work…"

"Boy, what 're you talking about?" Jesse Duke asked in confusion.

"Now that you know I'm their kid, I guess I'll leave so, don't worry, I'm leaving."

"We don't want you to go, son, we're family," Jed told him, trying to put the young man at ease.

"I'm your grandmother, Alexander," Ellie Mae gushed, "My daughter Jess ran off with that Harris years ago and haven't heard from 'em since."

"So you're not mad at me?"

"God, no!" Jesse Duke interrupted, placing a paternal hand on the young man's shoulders, Daisy leading him to a couch and making him sit, "And even if it turns out your folks are bad seed—"

"They are Uncle Jess," Bo assured him, "It was probably 'Tony' who threw the bottle that hit Xander when he was comin' out of the house we told ya about, the guy threatening to kill him."

"Well, that little brother of mine was nothing but trouble, I'm surprised he's not doin' time fer something, at least cousin Rory could keep honest work."

"Well, doggie," the Clampett patriarch sighed, "That beats all, but boy, you're stayin' with us from now on, we'll call the lawyer-folk about this in the morning."

"I can't afford a lawyer, sir, and my life's in Sunnydale…"

"Well, you don't have to worry about that money stuff, and you'll stay the summer no matter waht, and you got one of them high school's in that town?"

"I'm going to one…"

"Well, that works out, cause little Daisy needs to go to one, she's a senior or something, so maybe if you still want to go there, she might want to go with you."

"Hey, yeah, cousin Daisy," Luke Duke spoke up, "And you can visit us whenever you need to get your car worked on, seeins we're gonna be opening the garage and all with Uncle Jesse soon."

"And we can even visit you there, too," Ellie Mae Lavelle insisted, "Now that we have most of our family together again, we're not gonna let it fall apart, Alexander, the Clampett-Duke Clan stand by our own, and yer one of us."

The summer had been one for the Xander history books, losing and gaining a family in a night, and eleven weeks of non-stop learning about cars, shooting, hunting and living off the wilderness. Between Jesse and Jed, they felt it might be their last time to pass on all their combined knowledge of what's important, and seeing the way Daisy was making with the big eyes at the boy, took her along as she was a Duke and might keep the boy interested once they were gone.

Back to Tennessee for eight weeks of nothing but wilderness, the happy façade of ale-spinner disappearing when it came to tracking, stealth, hunting, cleaning, survival and doing what's necessary to keep a family well. And the few times they did come to a cabin or farm, it turned out to be kinfolk on the state line, distant cousins or some such, all of whom complimented Jed and Jesse on 'such a fine young man,' and 'Daisy hadn't married him yet?' By the time he'd gotten back to LA for his car training, he'd figured out the protocols somewhat and asked Jesse if he could maybe start calling on Daisy, 'just date, we're too young for anything else.'

"Oooooh, that's wonderful, Xander," Ellie Mae glowed as Jesse gave his tentative approval, "Daisy's been hopin' you'd finally ask."

"Really?"

"Men…" she replied, rolling her eyes as she left the room. Ten minutes later she returned, "You're gonna be startin' back in school again, and so we got you emancipated, so legally you're your own man now, grandson, but I've a few qualifications for you, especially if you're gonna be sharin' a place with Daisy in this Sunnydale we have you both enrolled in."

"Um, okay, gramma," Xander quietly and tensely replied.

"First, I expect you to from now on to get the best grades you can, and you need to start doin' better in those math and computer things, and maybe a language or two," she told him, "Daisy showed me a map and all, and French and Spanish seem to be the ones most folks are talkin' and a lot of our help we get speak the Spanish, so since you're gonna be boss-man some day, you should be able to understand what folks are saying. And your talkin' has to not have the Tennessee your English. Hang around that English guy since he speaks English and all.

"Second thing, we expect you to keep up the place we got you, yourself, but if the schoolwork needs your time, we'll hire some folks to help out. Third thing, no vampire hunting until you learn one of those marital art things.."

"Martial arts, gramma…"

"Them too, but you're kinda rushin' it and you said none of that until y'all get married…Any way, I'll be comin' up for a month or so with Pa to get you settled in, then we need to come back and arrange things better so we can split our time up better 'cause we have a lot of the family comin' in after the harvest back home and they might come up and see our lost sheep returnin' to the family. So, sound good to you?"

"Wow, it's more than I hoped for, yeah," Xander smiled wide, no shadow to his happiness until he had a thought, "Um, what about…"

"Don't you go worryin' 'bout them two, we sent an investigator fella after them when we found out that first night, and those two are spendin' time in little concrete rooms, and since Tony'd even skipped his parole for stealin' a car before he took off, he is back in Georgia for a number of years and'll be servin' the rest of his time there too."

"Wow…"

"Hey, nobody messes with back-home folk…"

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dukes of Hazard.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Just a Back-Home Folk 2?_ _Author: Tohonomike __Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners...it will start off with the Joss/ME characters, and any other characters or real-life folks are clearly not mine. NO money is involved._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dukes of Hazard.**_

_**Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, I wanted to write but nothing was coming to me on the other stories…so you're the victims of choice.**_

The first day of class, and Jed and Ellie Mae had just left a shocked and bewildered Snyder in his office the enrolment papers on his desk; they'd gotten Xander's named changed to match his great-grandfather's and was now Alexander Lavelle Clampett, and after some testing had gotten him into classes that suited his needs better, English, Chemistry, Advanced Auto Shop, Computer Science, French III, Spanish II and credit for the martial arts training he'd be receiving after school at a dojo. Daisy, switching schools, would be taking Senior English, Chemistry, Physics, Computer Science, French III, Spanish II, and credit for the raining as well. Next summer, they'd see about what classes they needed, and maybe Xander'd graduate early and join Daisy at that college thing. So except for two periods, they shared the day.

Arm in arm, the two students are dressed surprisingly well, khaki slacks, white shirts, tailored to fit at Ellie Mae's insistence, but not too far from what they'd expect to wear at school. Most of their wardrobe had been replaced by 'that good stuff my friend's grandkids wear…' instead of Hawaiian shirts or tight cut off pants. The money spent on the clothes or hair cuts wasn't lost on the Cordettes coming up behind them as they moved down the hall. As Willow and Buffy greeted Giles and Ms. Calendar, and made a comment about dusting a vampire, the country couple were noticed.

"Only one Buff, kinda slowing down, aren't ya?" he wisecracked.

"Xander!" Willow called out to the friend she hadn't heard from in months, only getting a perfunctory message of good-bye from Cordelia, moving in to hug him, "Where have you been all summer?"

'Meeting up with my real family and getting acquainted," Xander explained, and turning to Daisy Duke next to him, "And begin the courtship of Miss Daisy Duke, who if I don't blow it might someday become more than my girlfriend."

"Daisy Harris, huh?" Buffy said, noting the expensive but understated clothes the two were wearing.

"Nah, changed my named to match great-grandpa Jed's," Xander remarked as Cordelia and the Cordettes were about to be rude, "I'm now Alexander Lavelle Clampett."

"Oh My God," Cordelia gasped, then fainted as the Cordettes caught her, Harmony looking wide-eyed at the Money in their midst, as Aura used salts to bring her around. The Scooby Gang heard the bell and made for class.

Settling in at the mansion went well, it was a big property that extended from the beach, through a wooded area and up to the mountains, being Clampetts meant hunting, and Jed had found property in the Greater Sunnydale area, a lot of it bottom land such as it was, and he'd dropped millions in case his kids wanted to roam around or something on the total of five square miles, three working farms, a large horse ranch and the Caldera de Queso Dairy, along the riparian Sunnydale Creek .

The next two days of school went well, and the later afternoon was spent driving around and learning which properties in Sunnydale were now part of the Jed's burgeoning real estate holdings, Xander getting dizzy at the thought of the dollars involved until Jed had taken the boy aside and told him he'd gotten a family motto made up a few years back, 'Don't Spend, Help Folks.' And then the patriarch of the family told him if someone needed a place to stay, to call the local agent and tell them what was needed and for how long. The dojo training was nice, but on the third night, Xander and Daisy had made a stop at the library to visit Giles and whoever might be around, only to find them under attack by vampires.

"Daisy, use the squirt guns!" Xander called out as he charged in, "And call Grampa Jed on the phone!" The lively girl pulled out her cell phone and kept a vampire at bay with a squirt in the face and a kick to the groin. Xander picked up and chair and managed to distract two for a moment, Giles using a yard stick of all things to dust a vamp, breaking in the process. Xander to a blow to the stomach, but squirted two more, stabbing one with a chair leg as the fight progressed. He managed another before they struck at him again and raced out with Giles and Willow, Xander barely holding to consciousness.

A while later, Buffy comes rushing in, and stops short when she

sees that the place is a shambles. The center table, tipped over onto its side. Xander now able to get up, using the table for support.

"Xander!" Buffy cries out, "What happened?"

"Vampires, the ones you've said for two days you could handle yourself."

"Where are the others?"

"I don't know and I don't know what your problem is, what your issues are. But as of now, I officially don't care. If you'd worked with us, told us what bothered you, you coulda stopped this."

"We, we just have to think. Where would they have taken them? Why did they take them and not you?"

"Doesn't matter, I've sent for help," he told her angrily, "The Clampetts'll handle it from here." They could here baying outside as a shotgun armed Ellie Mae entered, handing another each to Daisy and Xander.

"Y'all okay? PA's got the hound dogs, and Bo and Luke turned around and'll git with us somewhere's along the way, said no one messes with the friends o' Dukes or Clampetts."

Buffy watched in momentary disbelief as three armed yokels headed off like a bad movie…

Angel and Buffy reach the warehouse to find an orange car out front and the sounds of shotguns being fired and the screams of vampires mixed with angry dog noises caused them both to enter, eyes widened, Angel flashing back to Captain Holz and days best forgotten.

A vampire charnel house greeted them, the mostly-slug loads tearing through the upper bodies of the undead as the dogs lunged low and bit for all they were worth, six folks in plaid shirts of different colors just lining up, and walking in to use wooden walking sticks to finish off vampires not smart enough to run. Angel and Buffy came in and from the back exit began to cut off retreat and tearing into the undead, as the rich folk turned and began to help the Scooby Gang off the conveyor.

"You people sure have some dangerous 'uns around here don't ya?" Jed asked the librarian, "No wonder property's so cheap, even if no one pays much attention."

"T-thank you, Mister?"

"Pardon my manners, young fellar, I'm Jed Clampett," the older man said as he turned to watch the fight end and the dogs tear after a darkly-dressed man with a large forehead, 'Wonder why the dogs're headin' after the fellar on our side.'

"Well, thank you, it appears Xander has told you of our problem?"

"Knew about the critters from way back, actual like, every so often a few of the rascals'd try and come around, but it's easy enough to keep 'em away if ya have a good line o' hound dogs, it's all the roads and city people that let the things into the back country where good Christian folk don't put up with the nonsense like city folk."

"Y-you used to hunt vampires?"

"Nah, you just shoot and dust, they ain't too smart, just cunning is all, the dogs'll ferret them 'em out, and it's not huntin' cause I mean, animals are smarter and vampires wouldn't be good eats. Hey Jess, the dogs went after the fellar with the forehead!"

Xander and the Dukes handed Buffy a sledgehammer and headed out the door, exchanging words and laughing.

Twenty minutes later they found the dogs barking at Angel's apartment building, complete set of torn pants and duster on the steps. And part f a set of boxers with little bats on them…


	3. Chapter 3

_Just a Back-Home Folk 3?_ _Author: Tohonomike __Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners...it will start off with the Joss/ME characters, and any other characters or real-life folks are clearly not mine. NO money is involved._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dukes of Hazard.**_

_**Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, I wanted to write but nothing was coming to me on the other stories…so you're the victims of choice.**_

Xander had luckily been protected by his girlfriend from the excessive kindness of the Cordettes for a couple of weeks now. Willow and Buffy had seemed to adjust to the new couple, and had gone out to dinner a few times with the twosome. Willow had confided in Buffy that she was finally giving up on Xander, that it wasn't meant to be.

The Clampetts became known for walking their dogs around Sunnydale at around sunset, and the undead preferred to wait until later before considering a dine-out option, as several times many of their kind just didn't survive long.

School was going well, and at the dojo the two young people were making excellent progress in the Karate and Aikido lessons. Weekends found the young people at the country club, the Chases having made sure to offer the invitation to join as soon as Cordelia revealed she knew Alexander. So Cordelia at her parents' urging found herself shooting and riding horseback with them, but surprisingly getting along fine. Daisy ignored her or told her she was acting bitchy, and Xander told her that since no one was around she should be herself and just tell everybody else it's all a show for getting along with the people who could buy Sunnydale. Her mood changed completely to their side when 'hound dogs and hillbillies' once again rescued her, this time from Eric, Chris and being turned into a zombie.

The three of them were walking by the school office when Daisy all of a sudden shrieked in joy and ran over to a poorly dressed student.

"Sheila!" Daisy cried out, "You go to school here! Ohmigod! I do too!" Cordelia, Xander and Buffy all shrugged at each other as Snyder came out of his office and was about to say something until he saw Xander and went back into his office.

"Everybody! This is Sheila! Xander, she's like our fourth cousin or something from back home! Her mother's aunt's step-niece's brother is Uncle Jesse's first cousin, and her father is Jethro's niece's husband."

"Did that make any sense to you?" Buffy asked Cordelia through the teeth of a fake smile plastered on her face, receiving a similar façade and head-shake in return as Xander simply nodded, smiled and gave Sheila a 'howdy, cuz!'

"So Sheila, what're you up to?" Daisy asked with genuine enthusiasm.

"Nothing now, I was going off with a guy on a bike for now, meet ya later somewhere?"

"Yeah, there's that Bronze place some of the others go to, how 'bout there at seven?"

"Great, Daze, see ya there!"

"Wow!" the girl enthused, "We went to school together back home until the third grade, then she moved out here, wow."

Spike had thought the rants and raves about dogs and hunters in the night were just an excuse to not act as real vampires, and he'd run into no trouble the last coupla days when he'd go out at eleven for a bite to eat. Sure there was a slayer, a petite little blonde with some good moves, but nothing special.

Getting in with the locals had been easy, as the among the oldest of Aurelians he'd managed quite nicely, and now to hold their allegiance he was leading them on a little raid on the school before the main event on Saturday.

Xander missed having his family around, they'd left on Monday to get back to business and such, but knew he and Daisy were doing well enough in school that it wouldn't matter.

Daisy had insisted on helping Buffy and Sheila out with banners and school prep, Xander walking the dogs himself a couple hours later than usual, having completed his term papers early, as he approached the building to escort his girlfriend to their large and comparatively empty home.

Instead he found vampires, a bunch of them, about to hunt down and kill everyone in the school. Opening his coat, he pulled out his super soaker and cane, unleashing the hounds that scented the undead bodies.

The vampires charge in, but Xander's hounds are quickly on their heals, bringing down several before they can do great harm. Spike as he was about to go monologuing, was interrupted, allowing Buffy to help save Cordelia as Willow and Daisy started throwing heavy objects and a bowl of unsugared lemonade at the undead as people screamed (no doubt that lemonade without sugar was evil and would have no effect). Spike bugged out as the much talked about Hounds of Sunnydale came for him, he instead throwing Snyder in the way to confuse the beasts.

Joyce Summers had a moment ago been angry at her daughter, who now seemed to be fending off the aggressive individuals the Principal called gang members, when she saw a well-dressed young man that looked like Xander Harris charge into the room after the dos, stabbing people and causing a couple of them to burst into dust. Two such offenders charged over her, knocking her to the ground, one entangling legs as it tried to escape a cross Alexander. Joyce fell to the ground, wincing in pain and verged on passing out as suddenly dust was all over her and her daughter's young friend stop protectively over her, passionately but briefly kissing Buffy's new friend Daisy before Daisy began recalling the dogs with a whistle.

"Wha, What happened?" Joyce asked as the lights came back on and Snyder was charging over.

"Good thing Buffy Summers was here, Mr. Snyder, to once more scare off the gang members," Xander calmly directed at the man before he could start up, "If my Daisy had been harmed because of your lack of security, you'd never work in this State again and my lawyers would just be getting warmed up." Snyder stopped cold and went elsewhere to compensate.

"Ms. Summers, I don't know if you remember me—"

"Xander Harris, Buffy's friend right? Thank you for saving me from those…people."

"It's actually Xander Clampett now, ma'am," he said with a small smile, which grew wider as she made the connection, "And while I have you at a disadvantage, I have two things for you to consider, that your daughter is brave and really trying at school despite the personal obsession the Principal has for her, and I'm expecting you to give me a very favorable deal when Daisy and I ask you to help Cordelia, here, compromise on items that will decorate our place." He placed Joyce's arm on his crooked elbow, escorting out, "You see, we're country folk, but we're not all hound dogs and lawn dwarves, and we're going to ask Cordelia to keep things young enough, but Buffy's been talking up your gallery and we'd like to see what you have that might add a sense of appreciation of the arts at the same time."

Sheila, Buffy, Daisy, Cordelia, and Willow watched Xander maneuver Joyce out the door, calling back for Buffy to follow.

"Well," Sheila turned to Daisy, helping her with the dogs, snickering, "He may not have been born country, but he's sure something when it comes to shoveling it…"


	4. Chapter 4

_Just a Back-Home Folk 4? Hillbilly Halloween_ _Author: Tohonomike __Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners...it will start off with the Joss/ME characters, and any other characters or real-life folks are clearly not mine. NO money is involved._

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dukes of Hazard.**_

_**Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, I wanted to write but nothing was coming to me on the other stories…so you're the victims of choice.**_

"Country music theme for Halloween, huh?" Xander asked his girlfriend as they went through their movie collection, then he spotted one, holding up one they'd seen last night, "Tell you what, how about I go as the kid in Crossroads, Eugene Whatever? He played guitar, and it was based on Charlie Daniels."

"I kinda saw you going as Charlie Daniels," she shot back, Cordelia bringing in some sodas and snacks from the kitchen, snickering.

"Xander playing music to save a soul?" Queen C smirked lightly, "Maybe fiddling with something else…"

"Hey!" the young heir to billions protested, then turned to Daisy, "I'll add the duster and a golden fiddle to it just for you, a er, Eugene "Johnny Reb" Martone, I guess it'll hide the shotgun and stakes in case we run into vampires…"

"You could always go to a party instead," Cordelia suggested again, "And you still haven't thrown one since you got your place."

"Hey, a Halloween Party!" Daisy enthused, "Everyone would dress up and we could avoid the vampires for a night…and maybe they'll lots of music."

"Country and Western!"" Cordelia mocked with a smile, causing Daisy to laugh.

"Hey!" the gal enthused, "We could just go to a bunch of different ones, including that one the Mayor invited us to, and maybe include a couple of our teachers, like Mister Giles or Miss Calendar."

"Our teachers?" Xander asked, the thought about the fact he was learning this semester, "Can I pick out what Miss Calendar wears…"

Smack

"Ow!" he complained, "That actually hurt, but anyway, we'll have an easy night of it."

Buffy and Willow were walking along the quad at lunch a few days later, talking about going with Xander and Daisy's Halloween Party Promenade.

"And I can't even make Angel go with me," Buffy complained, "The 'no vampires unless invited' pretty much keeps him out completely."

"Well it does make sense, keeping out the vampires from all the food…us."

"But Giles said it's a quiet night, too hokey for the demons…"

"We still need to go get costumes, how 'bout we try that new place?"

"Sure, know what you're going as yet? I hear our Promenade host and hostess are going as country musicians, and the Cordettes are fighting over what they'll go as to try and win Xander away from Daisy…and it seems the idea for showing up everywhere has caught on, a lot of sleepy parties are going to at least briefly turn big."

"That luring of Xander won't happen, and I thought I'd just go as…"

"No ghost, Wills," Buffy interrupted, "I made a bet with Xander it'd be anything but…"

"Oh, and what do you get if you win?"

"Ice Capades tickets…and I'll even take you instead of Angel if you help me out here."

Daisy and Cordelia finished getting the costumes, with Miss Calendar invited along when Daisy'd been talking to her about some integrated home systems and didn't want to stop.

The owner, Ethan, had been quite happy to help out, especially after they'd said he was a lot more outgoing then Jenny's boyfriend Giles. Jenny had gotten Rupert a leather jacket and a pack of cigarettes, with a t-shirt. Daisy said she was picking up some fancy guitar for Xander later as a prop to go with what they had here, and would pick up one for the librarian as well.

They told him he ought to step by and check it out later.

"The Devil's coming from Georgia, Spike, and he's looking for the music man, 'e is."

"I'm heading out to get us a Slayer, luv, can you be more specific? Is the Devil coming tonight for instance?"

"Soon Spike, just soon and he'll take our fun away, 'e will."

"The Devil's coming from Georgia, Spike, and he's looking for the music man's soul, 'e is."

"I'm heading out with The Judge you finally put together and get us a Slayer, luv, can you be more specific? Is the Devil coming tonight for instance?"

"Soon Spike, just soon and he'll take our fun away, 'e will, maybe before we can end the humans."

"Well, always liked a bit o' competition, I did…" Spike smirked and picked up and whirled a laughing and crying Drusilla as the newly assembled blue demon looked on in disgust.

Cordelia and Daisy looked great as Martina McBride and…Lara Croft?

"Hey, Daze, what's up with the Lara Croft, not that I'm complainin', mind you…"

"Ooooh, I spilled nail polish down the front right after I put it on, so since I picked this up at the same time for our next 'Tomb Raider' marathon, I at least had something to with it. And truth is, it's the first time since school started I've gotten around to wearing my 'small clothes' as Aunt Ellie calls 'em."

"Not complainin' a bit…"

Rupert Giles entered the Mayor's party feeling something like a fool, having avoided not wearing anything like this in almost twenty years, until he looked over to the refreshments table and saw a woman dressed in spiked heels, leather pants, almost no top to speak of and a huge wig of spiked hair and an electric guitar. 'Well things are looking up…' he thought and then she turned around.

"J-J-J-Jenny!" he choked out at the computer teacher dressed as punk rocker, and stood there gawking.

"I think you broke 'him, Miss Calendar, I mean Lita," Cordelia snickered, breaking the Watcher from his trance, "I like the look, somehow I suspected you were a Metal Head."

Buffy had convinced Willow to dress as 'the Cousins' from that Brisco County show Xander liked, smiling as they entered the room, a few guess arriving a little early, watching as the Mayor, dressed as the Devil, smiled, laughed at something Cordelia and Daisy were sharing at Xander's expense, then paid his respects to the next guest.

"Buffy, we're dressed as saloon girls…"

"And we were when we left home a while ago, Wills, that hasn't changed."

"B-But someone might see me!"

"And this would be bad why? Remember, come as you aren't, and don't worry, if Xander doesn't notice you, you'll still have the pick of the room, maybe that Oz guy who talked with you at the cultural party. "

"I think he's playing with one of the bands here tonight."

"See, there ya go…"

"Not what I meant."

Maybe twenty adult guests and twenty of their high-school-aged children had arrived on the early side as night fell over Sunnydale, most of the school-escorted trick-or-treaters already being placed back in the hands of their parents, and the Cordettes with their dates were approaching the door as the magic swept the town.

A lot of music played at the Party, everybody dressed as someone with ability taking turns singing, but Giles, Xander and Jenny provided most of the guitar and even some fiddle music with accompaniment of the hired bands. Outside, the costumes that changed there owners held sway in the night, as those able to make it to the safety of the party ended up having a great time after the initial close calls.

"What a great little party you have here," Spike declared as he burst through the doors at the end of 'When the Devil went down to Georgia,' that song nagging him as to meaning. His minions started to spread out, looking for the Slayer and seeing her and a redhead accompanying on piano up on the stage. The crowd parted, a smirking bunch of vampires looking up and freezing as they saw Johny Reb hand a shotgun to a smoking Ripper as a hot little number in tight shorts drew out two handguns and pointed in their direction. The vampires smiled and walked toward the only human resistance in the room, a blue demon following in their wake still trying to kill with a touch but failing.

"Don't have your bloody hound dogs with you tonight, do you?" Spike sneered, only to have Annie Oakley (Amy), Jonathan (Wyatt Earp), the wild west outlaw boyfriends of the female country star Cordettes who were having a good time, and others, all told, now nearly fifty folks in country and western-themed (kiss up to the Clampetts) attire all drew firearms and pointed them at the party crashers.

"Don't think I need them, do you, vampire?" the young man on stage asked, not recognizing the particular bloodsucker, "We're having a good time, and I'd hate to have someone slip on your dust as they dance to the next number, do you?" The minions looked at the sheer number of guns pointed at them, and started looking to Spike and making head motions to leave.

"All right, this time…"

"Let me make 'im famous, boss…" a possessed Jack O'Toole asked, pointing a rather large caliber weapon into Spike's face, causing the vampire to back away instead of fighting.

"Nah, like I said, we don't want his dust tripping up the ladies from dancin' do we?"

"Actually," the well-dressed former-Mayor with two small horns on his forehead suavely interrupted, "The vampires will please go and sit next to the refreshment table and behave themselves; I might have need of them later."

The vampires jerkily staggered over as directed, sweat actually pouring forth as their demons felt The Fallen One compel compliance. The blue demon, thwarted in the use of his barely recovering power, turned in annoyance and was about to say something when he knelt before his master.

"Now, Eugene, Johnny, Alexander, all of you are in there aren't you?" he smiled greedily at the Clampett Heir…and two of you have thwarted me in the past. And with The Judge ready to become strong enough to end the world, I think a rematch is in order, don't you?"

Ethan Rayne couldn't resist the idea of directly seeing Young Ripper and the rest helpless before the night, and carried the bust of Janus with him into the Mayor's party at which he'd done a spell to locate his old mate. Music had ceased as he started up the walk, but he was interested to listen in to the end of a conversation going on, a dark-clothed man with a high brow and poofed up hair standing behind him, a young country singer looking fellow next to him

"So, I have these demons in hand, and when I leave they'll go with me if you've won, say three of mine against three of you," he said as some one looking a lot like a short Ozzy "The Prince of Darkness" Osbourne stepping from the crowd as out of thin air and growing to full height, followed by another dressed as a fiddler that none there could identify. The Devil was starting to summon his third, when the body of Alexander interrupted.

"I prefer one on one winner take all, and if I win I get the souls of your players redeemed as well and you don't come within a thousand miles of the Hell Mouth ever again"

"Very well, in that case on your side Alexander will play and on my side…"

At that moment Ethan realized just what was happening, and in that moment dropped the bust of Janus onto the foot of a country-dressed young man with an adequate guitar, causing him to swear and leap forward into the forefront as the bust broke and both Richard Wilkins and The Devil recognized the soul-sold lawyer…"

"Lindsay?" the evil man said aloud, actually surprised by Janus' final assertion of Chaos, an almost-echo fading from the room.

"Done!" Rupert Giles and Ethan Rayne called out at the same time, sealing the deal as a surprised but already semi-recovered Xander Clampett regained control of his body.

Xander played a few rapid Steve Vai like cords, then held his hand out for the gold fiddle instead of the regular one…and played a touch of Mozart before staring at the Mayor, horns still present.

The Devil stared back, looked at the Wolfram and Hart lawyer in disgust and just shook his head, morphed briefly into the true form of The First Evil, then laughed at the situation, the vampires and The Judge disappeared, the latter by disintegration.

"Third time's the charm, and I have Janus to deal with," the Devil bowed, laughed again and vanished completely. A silence gripped the crowd, before Xander also laughed and started to play the gold Strativarius 'that somehow still sounded right, as Angel fainted into the Mayor's fake cactus garden in disbelief as Xander improvised.

The devil came down to Sunnydale  
He was lookin' for three souls to steal  
He was in a bind  
'Cause he was way behind  
And he was willin' to force a deal

When he came across this young man  
Sawin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot  
And the devil dared   
Up on a hickory chair  
And said boy let me tell you what

I guess you didn't know it  
but I'm takin' advantage a you  
And if you care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you

Now you play a pretty good music, boy  
But give the devil his due  
I'll bet a world of souls  
Against three of yours  
'Cause I think I've got more than you

The boy he annoyed was Clampett  
And it might be a sin  
But I'll take your bet  
And you're gonna regret  
'Cause I'm now the best that's ever been

Lex laughed up at Janus' joke that rose up and The Devil had to join in   
Cause hell's broke loose in Sunnydale and Lindsay's now dealed in  
And Alex now wins and Devil laughs hard because without any playin' he's beaten instead of getting three shiny souls.

The devil left with no regrets   
And he said I'll guess I'll go  
And fire flew from his fingertips  
As he with demons took his leave. 

Alex pulled the bow across the strings  
And it made sing so sweet  
And then a band of players joined in  
And it sounded something like this

Instrumental

When the devil left and all did fret  
Lex said well y'all're in for a treat, sons

but sit down in those chairs right there  
And let me show you how it's done

Fire on the Mountain  
Run boys, from Hale  
The devil's in the House of the Sunny Dale  
Chicken in a bread pan pickin' out dough  
Granny does your dog bite  
No child, no 

Instrumental

The Mage bowed his head  
Because he knew that he'd been replete  
but he laid aside his dread  
On the ground where Janus fell on feet

Alex said, Ethan just come on here  
If you ever wanna have some friends  
I done told you once you better be good  
I'm the best that's ever been and he played 

Fire on the Mountain  
Run boys, run  
The devil's in the House of the Rising Sun  
Chicken in a bread pan pickin' out dough   
Granny will your dog bite  
No child, no

Instrumental to end as Ethan grabbed a guitar, sighed, nodded at a confused but agreeable Ripper, and joined in.

The next morning found most of the party-goers returned home, but a few remained not entirely unchanged as they gathered in the library the next day.

"Not so loud, Ripper," Jenny moaned, her head recovering from the hangover of whatever had been slipped into the punch, her punker clothes a bit worn for wear or lack thereof at one point, "Just the tea, now."

"I agree, Jenny," an apologetic and now barely good Ethan Rayne moaned in equal discomfort.

The equally slow and still-costumed Giles winced and sat down, noting that the rest of the Scooby Gang were entering the building in different degrees of confusion, except for a very happy Willow and a laughing Daisy.

"I-I take it all of you are doing better now?" he queried, "no adverse effects?"

"Well, Rupert," the former Lady Croft intoned, "I might in the future assist you in some of your research, that is when I'm not managing the careers of my good friend 'Cordelia McBride' and my beau here." Giles stared at her uncertainly.

"Well I shan't have difficulty with English Literature in class, and could probably test out of a degree in Archaeology, and my ability to drive motorcycles and fast cars has gone way up. And not that you or my grandmother want to hear it but my need for tight clothing has also gone up exponentially…y'all." Snickering.

"A-and Miss Chase?"

""Can actually sing now, instead of just thinking I can," Cordelia smiled, "And I actually like country music, now."

"And I can out-fiddle the Devil and out-guitar Steve Vai" Xander added, and have some karate moves, not too serious but not too bad." Giles looked at the two 'saloon girls' who shook their heads abruptly, mumbled 'singing and piano,' and made motions to go on.

Voice-Over Narration like in the Dukes of Hazzard…

You know, Neighbor, if weren't the Hell Mouth, I'd think things were lookin' up wouldn't you…


End file.
